Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
