I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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