Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize