can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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