So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
