don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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