not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
