You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
