just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
