I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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