Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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