I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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