you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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