Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
