You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have post one night stand depression
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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