I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
