Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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