I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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