i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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