but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
