she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
