I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
