In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
