This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
