I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
