I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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