thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
