I am puke
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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