1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my sisters under your porch take her home
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
