After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
