My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
