it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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