I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
its not stalking. its research.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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