Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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