I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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