i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize