Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I pour the whiskey from now on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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