someone threw a dead crab at me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
