I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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