do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
