med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
