Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
