does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
