there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
