it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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