I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
