so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
