thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
