last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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