you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
