dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
