speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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