She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
