She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
