she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
