did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
