I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
