Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
