Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They took my balls.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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