If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
