Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
