bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
