Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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